Where have I been?
The same place I was weeks ago. More than just at home with Noah. I have been in a place of submission. Weeks ago I was reading in James and the Lord brought me to James 1:29. "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."
What did it mean? I have read the verse, I have had it memorized for years. Did it have the same meaning to me today as it did 10 years ago? I wasn't sure why this verse remained with me so strongly, but I knew the Lord must have a purpose for it. Unfortunately, there are examples of both the denial that the verse was for me and acceptance that it was.
Then there was the call, you know, the one that should be routine, but isn't. My mom called to tell me she had booked a flight for my grandmother's visit. I had my plans, she had her's. They weren't in alignment. I spoke, not slowly though. I didn't listen to the verse that had been with me weeks before the call. Then it hit me. The verse isn't just about holding your temper. It is about the way we say things. It is about praying before speaking. It is about listening to the needs of someone other than ourselves. I blew it. I apologized to my mother, but it was out there...you know, that something that could have been avoided had I listened to the verse.
Beginning to Understand
After the phone call I began to have similar situations pop up...not with my mom, but with Mark, with friends, with my sister. Rather than saying anything that came to mind, I began asking for revelation.
Have I said I have a wonderful husband? I do. He would do anything for me. Sometimes I have to ask for help, but once he is aware of a need, he always responds in love.
Mark had gone back to work. During the week I am quick to attend to Noah's cries so that Mark can rest and be prepared for the workday ahead of him. Then came the weekends. Mark continued to rest through the night while I continued to take care of Noah's 2:30 a.m. feeding. I was upset. Mark did not know it. I prayed. I waited. I asked the Lord to give me the words to speak to Mark. I asked for patience. I asked for Mark to receive my words in love.
In the end, I talked to Mark, after waiting for the right timing, the right words, and in love. He was gracious. He was apologetic. He was everything I needed him to be.
The entire conversation could have turned out differently had I handled it on my own, without the inspired words from James.
Where am I
I am still in the same place. The Lord has not had me move on. James it is...Chapter 1, Verse 19. How can He have me stay in the same place for so long? Why has He not moved me on? I don't know, but one day I will. One day He will move me on. For now, I stay, still and quiet.